So this what I have learned about dating: I am not good at it. I don't know how to do it. There really should be a rule book.
Here is the best advice I've heard and know:
I hate talking about my feelings. I hate talking about my "relationship". I know I'm a girl and girls are supposed to be all emotional, but I'm not. I don't like it one bit. I particularly don't like asking a guy where the relationship is going or how he feels about me. It should be natural and easy and obvious.
So I guess if I have to start thinking and planning and devising all sorts of ways to find out what kind of situation I'm in, I'm probably not in that good of a situation in the first place.
Starting a new relationship is terrifying! We are all old enough to have experienced or witnessed the triage of a broken romance. We know that if there is a beginning to a relationship, there most likely will inevitably be an end to the relationship. And the endings always suck.
So of course people, women included, will create all sorts of tricks and diversions and distractions to try not to notice that we might be in fact getting into a relationship. That just seems like a very crafty and understandable aspect to human nature, no? So what if in the beginning or a little while into it, it's a little vague? Who wants to be that crazy girl who needs to know exactly what is going on the minute she meets a guy? You want to be the cool girl. The girl who knows how to hang out, watch a baseball game, loves motorcycles and the outdoors. That "guys girl". That's who I always wanted to be. That's who I am.
But the thing about that "cool girl" is that she still gets her feelings hurt. Her heart is not made of stone and is not unbreakable. She still reacts to how she's being treated. She still hopes he'll call, wonders when she'll get to see him again and if he's excited about being with her. I hate that.
Maybe this is just me because my priorities have changed as I've gotten older. I got asked the other day what I looked for in someone. And I have to say that if you had asked me that question five years ago, I would have had a whole list of requirements and needs for my "soul mate". Now, I just want someone with a good heart. I don't want to be "sort of" dating someone. I don't want to be "kind of hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I can appear uninvolved. I want to be sleeping with someone, (sorry Mom & Dad), I know I'll see again because they've already demonstrated to me that they're trustworthy and honorable.
Sure in the beginning you have to be somewhat cautious of how much you give away. But caution shouldn't be to make them feel more comfortable; it should be because you know that you are ultimately a valuable creature who should be careful and discerning about who gets your affection. No games. No questions.
That's all I have to say. Good luck my fellow thirty-somethings.
