I was talking with my friend today about the past year in my life and how so much has changed in just a few short months. I firmly believe that your life is made up of five or six big days that change everything. One day can make your life; one day can ruin your life.
Last year at this time, I was a completely different person. I don't think if I met that person now, I would even recognize her. I don't think she would stir any familiarity in my mind. I know for sure that I would want to shake some sense into her and scream, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" That girl was lost and all because of the company she kept. People can drag you down, slow your process of living, take your drive away and make you feel small. I remember thinking that I had to work at this toxic relationship to make things better. To make my life better. I thought that if I could make things right with him, that I would be right and whole. How dare I let myself think that. And how dare I let someone make me think that.
So this is for you; that girl I used to be, and for anyone one else that might be traveling through that storm ... this too shall pass. The moment you realize that isn't you. That you can't help someone that didn't want to be helped, you let go. And the beauty of letting go in indescribable.
You realize that you had waste too much time on certain things and people and put aside all the things that you want to do, all the things that make you happy. All the things that make you the beautiful person that you are.
I let this person consume me in every way and every breath because I put his well being before mine. Excuse my language, but FUCK THAT! He repaid me by the utmost betrayal and pathological lies, demeaning comments and days of disappearances. It's not worth it. I was better than that. I AM better than that.
Today, I'm happy. I have the support and company of wonderful people. I have an amazing boyfriend who makes me feel better about myself, not worse. Who tells me that I am great enough to do the things I set out to do and pushes me when I think I can't anymore.
I have a super awesome roommate who has become a very good friend. We laugh and watch movies and go to the gym and vent and gossip together.
I am starting my own company and as stressful and scary as it is, it's so exciting and accomplishing at the same time.
Sometimes when you're down, when you're in that place where you can't seem to see anything but darkness; the universe does a strange thing and "spring cleans" your life for you. That's it's way of telling you that this life isn't for you anymore. This chapter is over and you need to start again. You might not understand it right then. But let me say it again ... this too shall pass.
Happiness is not a destination. It's a decision. Sometimes a hard one. But that's really all it is.
